Making a NOT TO DO List
By Eunice Beck, RN
From ImmuneSupport.com
Note: Guest author Eunice Beck, a
CFIDS and fibromyalgia patient, is the Coping Corner columnist for
Immunesupport.com. A nurse for more than 35 years, she is no longer able
to work in her profession.
Today I finished getting my tax
information ready for my accountant. I really need to be more organized
about this. I need to learn to use the money management programs on my
computer. But with brain fog, learning new things can be very difficult.
All of us know it is necessary to be
somewhat organized to get through life. The changes in our mental
function make necessary special types of organization, things like
always putting your car keys or glasses in the same place. We have to
make certain that we write appointments and other important things in a
central place where we can’t miss them. I can’t tell you how many
appointments I missed until I got that area of my life squared away. I
just couldn’t accept that my previously excellent memory was
"fogged in".
To do lists are a necessary part of
our life. Still, we can’t let them govern us. Recently, I heard a
"life coach" on one of the talk shows. Many of her suggestions
made sense. She talked about how she had been able to organize her busy
life. However, one of the ways she managed to cope intrigued me. She
said she made herself a NOT TO DO list.
Activities to Avoid
In the book I am currently reading, Fibromyalgia
& Chronic Myofascial Pain, by Devin Starlanyl and Mary Ellen
Copeland, the authors list "Activities to Avoid: staying in the
same position for long periods, traveling extensively without a break,
performing repetitive movements, exercising too much, immersing yourself
in water less than 88 degrees Fahrenheit, becoming overtired, going
without food, wearing high-heeled shoes, wearing tight clothing, doing
heavy work, exposing yourself to electromagnetic fields for extended
periods of time, smoking nicotine, or ingesting alcohol, salty food,
junk food or caffeine, spending time with people who make you feel
badly."
I think all of these belong on the not
to do list, but the feeling I got from the "life coach" went
even further. She implied that the things on her list were things she
previously felt she "should" do. By putting them on her list,
she was giving herself permission to eliminate these things without
feeling ambivalent or guilty. She included several of the things listed
above, as well as things like ironing, re-doing chores her children or
husband had done, etc.
I have made a "not to do"
list for myself. Many of the things included are those which have
already been mentioned, but there are others. For instance, I have never
been very comfortable in pantyhose, so I rarely wear dresses. If I do,
they are long so I don’t have to wear hose. Fortunately, where I live,
the difference between everyday and semiformal is whether you wear your
regular jeans, or your new ones. So casual and comfortable is the norm.
But I would dress that way in any case. Even for special occasions,
there are pant outfits that are appropriate yet comfortable.
Expanding the List
Another thing on my list is not
volunteering or being manipulated into commitments that I know will be a
strain on my energy and pain level. If you are not "retired"
yet, you will learn how many friends and family will forget that you are
not working for medical reasons and find things for you to do for them.
It is a must that we learn how to say NO.
A very important thing on my "not
to do" list concerns putting the needs of others before the things
I need to preserve my best functional level. Of course, there are
situations such as family illness, and small children where this may not
be possible. However, we must learn to rank our health at or near the
top of our list of priorities.
Negative "self-talk" is
another thing on my list. When I pay attention, I notice that the more
tired and frustrated I become, the more negative names I am calling
myself; such as stupid, dummy, klutz, etc. All of these names decrease
my self esteem when I know that mistakes I make or things that I do
slowly or incorrectly are more likely attributed to brain fog and the
memory lapses that go with the disease. My spouse frequently reminds me
that calling myself these names is not good for my mental health.
Putting myself in the situation where
I have to hurry is another no-no for me. Hurrying, such as to get ready
for an appointment, really adds to my fatigue level. I guess it must be
the extra adrenaline that pumps into my system when I rush that makes me
feel so exhausted and stressed. Getting up a half hour earlier, or
planning plenty of preparation time is worth the effort to be able to
get ready at my speed. Some days I need rest breaks, other days I am
able to get through the process without stopping. If I’m ready a few
minutes early, I have a bit more driving time.
Even the chores around the house are
done when I feel like doing them. I don’t "freak out" if the
laundry goes unfolded for several days. The floor gets vacuumed when it
needs it. If all of the days dishes don’t get washed until evening, I’m
OK with that. I’m convinced that a layer of dust protects my
furniture. My house is nowhere near filthy, but its not spotless either.
It’s lived in!
I think some of my friends worry that
I have become a homebody. I usually only go out when I need to, and
really don’t visit much with friends or family except via the
computer. So many people don’t, and don’t want to understand how we
are feeling. I get tired of always saying I’m fine, but I don’t want
to become a constant complainer either.
If I were living alone, I would make
more of an effort to be out with friends. But I am fortunate that my
spouse is also my best friend. We enjoy doing the same things. We are
both "night people", so our sleep time is the same. When I
include our two wonderful feline companions, I have all the company I
need. At home, I also have all those things I need to help provide my
physical comfort.
Do you have a NOT TO LIST? If not,
perhaps you should start one. It is yet another step toward health, both
mental and physical. Take care and be well.
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I welcome your comments and questions at: copingcorner@prohealthinc.com.
My articles and email responses are not being offered as those of a
health care provider. The information and opinions included are intended
to give you some information about your disease. It is very important
that you empower yourself with knowledge and participate in your own
search for care. Any advice given is not intended to take the place of
advice of your physician or mental health care provider. Always follow
your physician's advice, even if contradicted by something written here.
You and your physician know your situation far better than I do. Thank
you and be well. Eunice
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© 2002 Pro Health, Inc., publisher of
ImmuneSupport.com
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